The Power of Praise

Reuben is the leader who might allow been but in no way was. He was Jacob's firstborn. Jacob says about him on his deathbed, “Reuben, you are my firstborn, my might, the at the outset sign of my strength, excelling in honor, excelling in power” (Gen. 49: 3). This is an impressive tribute, suggesting the pure presence and strong demeanor.

Added significantly, in their before time years Reuben has consistently appeared to be the on the whole morally thin-skinned of Jacob's children. He was Leah's son, and keenly felt his mother's disappointment so as to she was not Jacob's favorite. Here is the at the outset narrative of him as a baby:

During wheat harvest, Reuben went not worth it into the fields and found a little mandrake plants, which he brought to his protect Leah. (Gen. 30: 14)

Mandrakes were accepted wisdom to be an aphrodisiac. Reuben knew this and without the delay accepted wisdom of his protest. It was a tender gesture but it misfired as he presented them to Leah in the presence of Rachel and involuntarily caused an argument linking them.

The after that episode in which we comprehend Reuben is far more tragic:  

Rachel died and was buried on the way to Ephrath (that is, Bethlehem) ...  While Israel was living in so as to region, Reuben went in and slept [vayishkav] with his father’s concubine Bilhah ... (Gen. 35: 22)

If understood exactly this would amount to a major sin. Sleeping with your father’s concubine was not simply a sexual crime; it was an unforgivable comport yourself of treason and infidelity, as we discover soon in Tanakh. Absalom decides to insurgent aligned with his father David and trade him as king. Ahitophel gives him the following advice:

“Sleep with your father’s concubines whom he has gone to take thoughtfulness of the palace. Then all Israel will hear so as to you allow made manually obnoxious to your father, and the hands of everybody with you will be more resolute.” (2 Samuel 16:21)

According to the sages (Shabbat 55a-b), the text almost Reuben is not to be understood exactly. After Rachel died, Jacob had stirred his bed in the tent of Bilhah, Rachel’s handmaid. This, felt Reuben, was an unbearable shame in support of his protest. It was unkind in support of Leah to bear the detail so as to Jacob loved her sister more. It would allow been altogether unbearable in support of her to discover so as to he even preferred Rachel’s handmaid. So Reuben stirred Jacob’s bed from Bilhah’s tent to Leah’s. The verb vayishkav be supposed to therefore be translated not as “slept with” but “changed the sleeping deal.”

At this meaning, however, the text does a remarkable mechanism. It says, “Reuben went in and slept with (or untouched the sleeping deal of) his father’s concubine Bilhah, and Israel heard of it ...” and afterward signals a clause break in the heart of the sentence. The sentence tops: “Jacob had twelve sons.” This is very rare indeed. What it suggests is an audible silence. Communication had completely ruined down linking Jacob and Reuben. If the sages are correct in their explanation, afterward this is single of the furthermost tragedies in the undivided of Genesis. Jacob unmistakably held so as to Reuben had slept with his concubine Bilhah. He cursed him in support of it on his deathbed:

Unstable as fill with tears, you will not excel, in support of you went up on top of your father’s bed, on top of my couch and debased it. (Gen. 49: 4)

Yet according to the sages this did not crop up. Had Jacob been willing to articulate to Reuben he would allow exposed the truth, but Jacob grew up in a type so as to lacked friendly, candid consultation (see Covenant and Conversation Toledot). Thus in support of years Reuben was schooled by his father of a sin he had not committed – all as he cared almost the feelings of his protest.

Which brings us to the third episode, the on the whole most tragic of all. Jacob favored Joseph, son of his beloved Rachel, and the other brothers knew it. When he gave Joseph a visible sign of favoritism, the totally embroidered cloak, the brothers resented it yet more. When Joseph began to allow dreams of the put your feet up of the type bowing down to them, the brothers’ animosity reached boiling meaning. When they were far from home-based, tending the flocks, and Joseph appeared in the distance, their hatred made them decide, nearby and afterward, to exterminate him. Reuben single-handedly resisted:

When Reuben heard this, he tried to rescue him from their hands. “Let’s not take his life,” he thought. “Don’t shed one blood. Throw him into this cistern at this point in the wilderness, but don’t lay a tender on him.” Reuben thought this to rescue him from them and take him back to his father. (Gen. 37: 21-22)

Reuben’s plot was unpretentious. He persuaded the brothers not to exterminate Joseph but more willing to allow him crash by leaving him in a pit to starve. He intended to return soon, whilst the brothers allow stirred in, to rescue him. When he returned, however, Joseph was nix longer nearby. He had been sold as a slave. Reuben was devastated.

Three times Reuben tried to help but despite his superlative intentions, his pains disastrous. He was trustworthy in support of the single recorded quarrel linking Leah and Rachel. His father wrongly so-called him of a major sin and cursed him on his deathbed. He disastrous to save Joseph. Reuben knew could you repeat that? Is the straight mechanism to act, but come what may lack the confidence or courage to bear it through to completion. He be supposed to allow waited to break Leah the mandrakes whilst she was single-handedly. He be supposed to allow remonstrated with his father almost his sleeping arrangements. He be supposed to allow physically taken Joseph safely back home-based.

What happened to Reuben to turn into him lack confidence? The Torah gives a poignant and unmistakable hint. Listen to these verses describing the birth of Leah’s (and Jacob’s) at the outset three children:

When the noble saying so as to Leah was not loved, he enabled her to conceive, but Rachel remained childless. Leah became pregnant and gave birth to a son. She named him Reuben, in support of her tight, “It is as the noble has seen my misery. Surely my companion will love me at the moment.” She conceived again, and whilst she gave birth to a son she thought, “Because the noble heard so as to I am not loved, he gave me this single too.” So she named him Simeon. (Gen. 29: 32-33)

Both times, it was Leah not Jacob who names the baby – and both names were a cry to Jacob to notice her and love her – if not in support of herself afterward by the side of smallest amount as she has prearranged his children. Jacob evidently did not notice.

Reuben became could you repeat that? He became as – so the text seems to imply – his father’s attention was elsewhere; he did not thoughtfulness in support of either Leah or her sons (the text itself says, “the noble saying so as to Leah was not loved”). Reuben knew this and felt intensely his mother’s indignity and his father’s evident lack of interest.

People need encouragement if they are going in front. It is fascinating to contrast the hesitant Reuben with the self-assured, even over-confident Joseph, loved and favored by his father. If we care for our children to allow the confidence to comport yourself whilst charge is desirable, afterward we allow to allow, promote and praise them.

There is a fascinating Mishnah in Ethics of the Fathers (Avot 2: 10-11):

Rabban Yochanan Ben Zakkai had five (pre-eminent) disciples, namely Rabbi Eliezer Ben Hyrcanus, Rabbi Joshua Ben Chananya, Rabbi Yose the Priest, Rabbi Shimon Ben Netanel, and Rabbi Elazar Ben Arakh. He used to recount their praise: Eliezer Ben Hyrcanus:  A plastered wall so as to in no way loses a decline. Joshua Ben Chananya:  Exultant the single who gave him birth. Yose the Priest:  A religious man. Shimon Ben Netanel:  A man who fears sin. Elazar Ben Arakh: An ever-flowing spring.

Why does the Mishnah, whose goal is to teach us lasting truths, break us this apparently trivial story of Rabban Yohanan Ben Zakkai’s pupils and could you repeat that? He used to call them? The answer, I believe, is so as to the Mishnah is decisive us how to raise disciples, how to be a coach, teacher and show: By alert praise.

The Mishnah does not simply say so as to Yohanan Ben Zakkai thought fine things almost his students. It uses a rare locution: “He used to count [moneh] their praise,” import, his assured remarks were precise and accurate embattled. He told both of his disciples could you repeat that? Their definite strength was.

Eliezer Ben Hyrcanus had an outstanding remembrance. At an instant whilst the oral law was not yet in black and white down, he possibly will recall the teachings of the tradition better than a person as well. Elazar Ben Arakh was creative, able to come up to up with an endless torrent of fresh interpretations. When we keep to our noteworthy passions and gifts, we donate to the humanity could you repeat that? Simply we can break.

However, the detail so as to we might allow an exceptional gift might plus mean so as to we allow conspicuous deficiencies. No single has all the strengths. Sufficient if we allow single. But our duty plus know could you repeat that? We lack.

Eliezer Ben Hyrcanus became so fixated on the onwards so as to he resisted amend even whilst it was categorical on by the majority of his colleagues. Eventually he was excommunicated in support of failing to take his colleagues’ ruling (Baba Metzia 59b).

Elazar Ben Arakh’s lot was even sadder. After the death of Yohanan Ben Zakkai, he separated from his colleagues. They went to Yavneh; he went to Hamat (Emmaus). It was a pleasant place to live and it was anywhere his wife’s type lived. Apparently he was so self-assured of his intellectual gifts so as to he held he possibly will keep up his scholarship by himself. Eventually he forgot everything he had endlessly learned (Avot de-Rabbi Natan 14: 6). The man more exceptional than his contemporaries eventually died while making almost nix lasting contributions to the tradition.

There is a delicate balance linking the neglect so as to lead to someone to lack the confidence to act the de rigueur deed, and the disproportionate praise or favoritism so as to create overconfidence and the belief so as to you are better than others. That balance is de rigueur if we are to be the sunlight so as to help others grow.